


Christmas Day 1997

by wolfstarism



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Delusions, Dissociation, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Remus Lupin, Second War with Voldemort, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dont read, seriously don’t read, this is your warning don’t read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29675880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstarism/pseuds/wolfstarism
Summary: Remus in 1997-This is a result of me watching WandaVision
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Christmas Day 1997

Christmas Day 1997

“Morning.”

Remus stirred awake, opening his eyes to Sirius’ smile. Thank god, he thought, thank god you’re here.

He put his arms around Sirius, and he held Sirius as he kissed Remus’ neck. How long has it been like this? He thought. He can’t quite remember when it started, but he’s glad it’s happening. He’s so glad.

“Padfoot,” he said, because he could, “I love you.”

He kissed Sirius, running his hands through Sirius’ hair. He felt warm and fuzzy, even though it was... well, what day was it?

“It’s Christmas day,” Sirius said. “Merry Christmas, Moony.”

Remus smiled and Sirius matched it, their hands in each other’s.

“I love you too,” Sirius continued.

They hugged, and Remus buried himself in Sirius’ chest, kissing it over and over and running his hands across Sirius’ body without thinking, like muscle memory.

After a while, they lay arm in arm and Remus wondered where they were.

“We’re in your cottage, remember?” Sirius said, stroking Remus’ hair.

“Who else is here?” Remus asked.

Sirius paused.

“Lily and James, of course,” he said. “Although, sometimes they’re not here, sometimes - “

“Shh,” Remus shut Sirius up with a kiss. “They’re downstairs, now.”

He took Sirius’ hand and leads him out the door. The warmth seemed to follow them as they made their way down the stairs. Remus’ old cottage was so bright and homely, and he wasn’t sure when it had started to look like this. He guessed it always had.

There was no noise coming from the kitchen until they entered it.

“Merry Christmas, Moony!” James beamed at him.

“Merry Christmas!” Lily followed. “How are you, Remus?”

“I’m great,” he said, as he and Sirius sat opposite Lily and James at the table. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” James repeated, and there was a silence. Remus panicked slightly, but he wasn’t sure why.

“Let’s have some food,” Lily said quickly, and Remus looked down at the table and saw piles of different breakfast foods. Sirius served him toast and he started eating. 

All three of them were staring at him as he ate. He shifted uncomfortably. 

“You guys can eat too, you know,” he said, laughing, and they did.

The food looked amazing, but tasted odd, as if it had lost all its flavour.

“Did you make this food, Lily?” he asked.

Lily paused.

“Yes, of course I did,” she said, smiling suddenly. Remus nodded back, smiling himself. It didn’t matter, as long as he was smiling, as long as he was happy, then nothing bad could happen.

“What are we planning for today, then?” Sirius asked. Remus felt like it was directed solely at him, and he looked at James for help. James grinned.

“Well, anything that isn’t to do with the war, that’s for sure - “

Remus breathed in quickly and looked at Lily, who looked back at him and then at James quickly.

“James,” she said harshly, “he doesn’t like it when you talk about things like that. It doesn’t matter, okay?”

James nodded, almost mechanically.

“I’m sorry, Moony,” he said. “There’s many other things we can do other than talk about - “

“Don’t say it!” Remus shouted, and he moved his hand around under the table quickly, trying to find Sirius’. He panicked again when he couldn’t find it, he tried again, and again, and - when finally, Sirius’ hand fell into his and he squeezed it tight. He leaned back on Sirius, his back on Sirius’ chest, Sirius’ arms wrapped around him. Lily and James didn’t mind, they never minded now - not anymore, not since... he wasn’t sure.

“When did we get here?” he asked to the room. 

There was a silence again, where they all looked at him.

“We’ve always been here, Moony,” Sirius said, stroking his hair.

“I swear there was something before this,” Remus said, biting his lip. 

“No,” Lily said, smiling, “there was nothing.”

Remus hung into the words, trying not to think too much. Something in the back of his head - something dangerous, he felt - was telling him to keep asking. But something else was telling him to be with these people while he can. While he can. What does that mean?

A thought swam its way to the surface, and he clung to Sirius tighter as he thought it. Harry. He remembers Harry. Where’s Harry? he thought.

“You shouldn’t worry about Harry,” James said, shaking his head. “He’s fine.”

Remus swallowed, breathing in deeply.

“How did you know what I was thinking?” he asked, holding onto Sirius tighter still.

After a pause, James grinned widely.

“I’ve always been able to hear your thoughts, Remus,” he laughed, and so did Sirius and Lily.

Remus relaxed slightly, but something kept nagging him to ask.

“Harry’s your child,” he said, and images of Lily and James with a baby swam through his head. But that was it. He couldn’t picture them together now. Why was that? He’s sure Harry’s older now, much older. “Shouldn’t he be with him parents...?”

James and Lily stared at him with the same still, closed expression on their faces.

“You can bring Harry, if you like,” Lily said.

“Why would I bring him?” Remus asked. “He’s your child.”

“You brought all three of us here,” Sirius said. “You could probably bring Harry as well.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked. His head was becoming dizzy, the corners of his vision greying slightly. The room left lighter and colder suddenly.

“It might be harder,” James said, “because he’s not dead - “

“You’re not dead!” Remus shouted. “You’re not dead! No- “

James and Lily just smiled weakly at him.

“We are, Remus,” Lily said. “You have to let us go.”

“No!” Remus screamed frantically, tears falling down his face. “No, please, no - I need you, I need you,” he tried to grab at them, but there was nothing to grab. Images of that Halloween night, sixteen years ago, flitted in front of him, and it all came back. Lily and James are gone, Lily and James are gone, something taunted him in the back of his mind, they’ve been gone for years. “Please,” he tried, “please, don’t leave, I need you... I need...” but they were gone, and he speaking to nothing.

Remus turned quickly to Sirius and held onto him.

“You won’t go, will you,” he asked, his voice thick and desperate. “You won’t, because I love you, because you’re here - “

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Sirius’ voice was echoey. “I haven’t been here for some time, now.”

“No,” Remus shook his head, holding onto Sirius, whose body was becoming lighter and lighter. “No,” he repeated. “You’ve been here, you’ve been here all this time, please, please...”

Sirius put his hand on Remus’ cheek, and just for a second, Remus swore he could feel it.

“The department of mysteries,” Sirius said, calmly, and new images entered Remus’ mind, ones of Sirius, his face white and ghostly, of his falling, into the veil, of Harry screaming.

“Sirius,” he tried his hardest to push those memories away. He’d done it, just before, he could do it again. “You’re here, you’re not leaving.” He waited for Sirius to hold him back, but there was nothing. “I just got you back,” he cried to Sirius. “I just got you back, I love you... I love you...”

Sirius was becoming lighter and blurrier.

“I need you,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to live without you-“he tried to say, but Sirius was already gone, and Remus was left alone in his cold, abandoned, dirty kitchen surrounded by nothing but rotten food and dust.


End file.
